My very own cancer journey

My very own cancer journey

On September 22, 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It seems like it is Stage 1 to 3,  but at the moment the tests are inconclusive and we will hopefully know more soon. My life has become all about this diagnosis. Suddenly my schedule is full with countless phone calls, an endless array of appointments with oncologists, radiologists, surgeons and alternative doctors.

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One year mark

One year mark

I am rough around the edges. They say that the one-year anniversary mark of losing someone you lost is tough and yes, it is. It is vulnerable territory. I wrote this piece two weeks ago. While I usually excessively edit my pieces I am publishing this piece as a course edit because life is just raw to the bone sometimes.

I have not written for a while about Deb. Life has been busy with clients, workshops, grief rituals and the oh so normal yet blindingly beautiful elements of life. Here we are at the anniversary of Deb’s first death.

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Six ways to be authentically present with someone in Grief

Six ways to be authentically present with someone in Grief

When your heart is ripped open with a loss, grief creates fundamental shifts and changes that can manifest over a long period of time.

These developments ebb and flow as the current of grief is sometimes prominent and sometimes subtle, but the direct impact upon the soul is clear and transparent to the experienced eye.

One year ago, my closest girlfriend of nineteen years died at the age of forty-six after a twenty-two month journey with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). I was one of her main caretakers, witnessed her slow decline and was fortunate to share the last couple days of her life with her. Through the heart-breaking incident of losing her, I have walked the stark landscape of grief and I feel inspired to share what I’ve learned.

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How the Horses Saved My Life

How the Horses Saved My Life

I was blessed to become a single mom at the young age of 22. When I say blessed I say it because I was gifted a son; the single mom part was undoubtedly not easy.

As I raised my son mostly by myself my ultimate dream was to meet a partner at some point in my lifetime and share in the journey of having another child together. This was not something I readily admitted to folks, but the dream always lingered in the back of my mind. As I tend to be the picky type, I had high expectations for a partner, yet I knew eventually I would meet the right person.

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Enough Already!

Enough Already!

In the last month before Deb died she would share profound words of wisdom to those of us closest to her. After months of struggling with the reality that her health had declined, once she finally accepted it was her fate to die at the young age of 46 from Acute Myeloid Leukemia, she achieved a sage-like state.

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Congruency with Horses

Congruency with Horses

Yesterday I understood the lesson of congruency from spending time with the horses. I have four horses that almost every day I move from the dry, grassless pasture to the lush, green pasture, which as you can imagine takes a considerable amount of time. One of the big lessons in being with horses is the need to be PRESENT.

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How I made peace with death - My tribute to Deb Hubsmith

How I made peace with death - My tribute to Deb Hubsmith

The path of death beckons me vividly to sit by her side, learn her mysteries and steep in her silent, elusive magic. I write this story in tribute to my beloved friend Deb Hubsmith in honor of her 47th birthday on June 5. In her short life she accomplished feats that were only possible through her profound sense of service and love for this world.

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